Things is that rare beast of surreal cinematic ineptitude which feels beamed in from another planet entirely. The film opens with a dream sequence involving an impotent husband purchasing a baby from a nude woman wearing a theatrical devil mask. He wakes up to his Hoosier brother and friend crashing his house, drinking all his beer and whisky, lying about and exchanging the most meaningless dialogue ever written. His wife dies giving birth to a fanged insect-like “thing” which can reproduce rapidly. All of this is intercut with footage of porn star Amber Lynn (remaining fully clothed throughout) as a newscaster reciting horror in-jokes and a bizarre form of Greek chorus for the indescribable actions taking place. This is the sort of film which demolishes the binary of “good” and “bad” cinema and lays to waste conventional criticism. The intended tone of the film is never clear, further adding to the derangement, although there seem to be instances of intentional humor. What emerges is one of the most compelling instances of “what the fuck” filmmaking. The film ends with the title card, “You have just experienced THINGS.” And it is an experience unlike any other.